1980's
Military robots guarding an upmarket mall. Teens locked in overnight. What's the worst that could happen?
In many classic horror movies , the actual horror component derives from the protagonists’ fear of the unknown, as well as the viewers’. For example, Ridley Scott’s Alien. No-one’s encountered the life form before, and like the crew we’re clueless as to what it’s actually capable of. No-one could have guessed at its dinner party-ruining abilities, so it comes as a real shock when John Hurt starts to feel ‘unwell’.
With Chopping Mall, writer/director (and voice talent) Jim Wynorski doesn’t worry about such tease and shock tactics. Right from the word go, the horror is clearly going to be derived from robots-with-frickin’-lasers-on-their-heads. It’s all laid on.
The robots-with-frickin’-lasers-on-their-heads are actually the ‘Protector 101 Series robot’, a fact we learn thanks to a handy information reel at the start. Never again will a human put on a grey uniform and take abuse from hoodies. The Protector 101 has it covered.
Instead of using heavily armed AI entities to guard, say, military installations, the Protector 101’s end up guarding an upmarket Californian shopping mall. Aside from giving us an inaccurate pun for the title (I didn’t spot any actual chopping in the film), it allows the plot device of having a bunch of randy teens locked in overnight at the mercy of these low-rent ED-209’s. Of course, ED-209’s major design flaw (crap legs) is made more baffling given that a whole year earlier, the Protector 101’s maker decided to use sweet tank treads. No toppling down stairs for these beauties.
As the flat-headed menaces stalk and, yes, kill their fleshy teen enemies, a moment comes upon us which changed my impression of the whole movie.
It’s got an exploding head scene. Surely the holy grail of horror since Cronenberg walked onto the set of Scanners and uttered the words ‘You know what would be cool, eh?’.
I’m not even sure how a robot-mounted laser beam would make a head actually explode (I’m no physicist), but that one moment created the biggest ‘Whoah! Wind it back!’ I’ve heard from my pals in years. For that reason alone, I would give the Chopping Mall five for five. And that’s without getting to the superb cameos of legends Angus Scrimm and Paul Bartel.
Sadly, upbeat performances can’t overcome a lacklustre script , and over-engineered haircuts lose the film three of those five marks. Perhaps unsurprisingly, Jim Wynorski now works in adult movies where such comments are less career-hampering.
Enjoy Chopping Mall, but scrub yourself clean afterwards.
