Horror
Dr. Tom Griswold might come to regret creating a time machine that can only travel back in time for two minutes.
This warped little film from Michigan features director Wilbur Scott in the titular role of Tom, a scientist who creates a time machine that (due to cheapness) can only go back in time for 2 minutes before yanking the user back to the present day. He is cornered by family friend (and undercover cop) Luther (Tim Sabin) about the murder of his coworker Wilson (Leonard Miller), who wound up on the wrong end of a tire iron the previous evening. Tom retells his story about creating the machine, and soon comes to realize that his invention could have an evil use in the future, which it does when the embittered and vengeful Tom of the future goes nutty and starts exacting revenge.
Part science fiction, part comedy, and part strange as hell is the best way to describe this low-budget film, which is well-acted and directed for the most part. The film's real weakness is in the somewhat disjointed story, which is spastically paced until the last 1/3 of the film when things kick in high gear. Good effort, though!
Twilight
I have to admit, as an adult woman, I read the entire "Twilight" series. I am not obsessed by it -- but it was a fun, escapist read, even though I still have some reservations about the obsessive nature of love as depicted in these books.
"New Moon" was better, production-wise, than "Twilight" (I know, damned by faint praise.) But does Kristin Stewart have more than two expressions? She alternates between a vacant stare that is meant to denote intensity, and a stare with a tiny frown between her eyes that denotes distress. She speaks in a monotone and slouches around when she's not curled up in a fetal position, leaving one to
Watch The Twilight saga New Moon (2009) Online for Free
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wonder -- what exactly does Edward see in this girl, anyway? And Robert Pattinson -- He reminds me of "The Look" that Ben Stiller "perfected" in "Zoolander" -- i.e., a dozen looks, and they all look precisely alike. He can, at least, scowl nicely -- and as a result, tends to overuse it. Basically, though -- he can't act. This is a man who is meant to be burning with passion, and the only thing I can focus on is "what god-awful shade of lipstick did they put on that boy?" The rest of the Cullens got short shrift in this movie, with only token appearances. Jacob's transformations were never fully explained in the movie -- unless you have read the book, you have NO idea what in the heck he's talking about, much less why. I have to wonder how often he practiced whipping off his shirt to help Bella when she hits her head - it was pretty practiced, and obviously self-conscious, as if he could just hear the squeals of the teenagers in the theatre as he did it. But at least Taylor Lautner was allowed to show a certain engaging charm. Dakota Fanning as Jane looked good in amber contacts, but her role was extremely brief, and basically consisted of staring and marching around in odd Mary Jane-style shoes. Michael Sheen was rather intriguing as Aro, and actually came closest to my mental image of the characters.
Towards the end of the movie, the editing got pretty sloppy. The transitions were abrupt and, again, if you hadn't read the book, you'd be wondering where in the hell the yellow Porsche came from. The transition from Italy to Forks was possibly the most abrupt, and failed to re-establish the connection between Bella and Edward.
The book has enough faults of its own in character development -- I guess it's too much to hope that a movie would be able to correct those faults.
Heralded as America’s answer to ‘Shaun of the Dead’, ‘Zombieland’ may never quite hit the heights of Edgar Wright’s Zom-Com masterpiece but it’s still a thoroughly enjoyable watch.
For college student Colombus (Jesse Eisenburg) the only change the USA being overrun with zombies makes to his life is to give him dead people to lock himself away from rather than living ones. Nervous, phobic, geeky and near-terminally virginal, only his comprehensive list of survival rules keep him alone, alive and out of trouble. Until he hooks up with redneck survival specialist and enthusiastic zombie-killer Tallahassee (Harrelson) who, along with sisters Wichita (Emma Stone) and Little Rock (Abigail Breslin), teaches him that some rules are meant to be broken.
More a comic road movie with zombies then a horror outing, Zombieland’s great performances, laugh-out-loud moments and short runtime make up for the fact that nothing much really happens. We’re dropped into a post-apocalyptic America with the briefest of explanations, allowed to watch the lives of 2, then 4 survivors (briefly and hilariously 5 but we’ll get to that later) and their journey for a few days, get flashbacks of their histories, see them mildly menaced by zombies (though there’s never any real sense of worry for the main characters throughout), learn a few lessons and then…that’s it, really. As depth of story, narrative structure, character development and plot resolutions go, ‘Zombieland’ lacks the bite of its cannibalistic inhabitants.
Yet that would miss the point as, like with all road movies before it, it isn’t really about the plot – it’s about the journey. And the journey is a hell of a lot of fun, mostly due to the relationship between the 2 main characters. Eisenburg’s loveable neurotic complements Harrelson’s twinkie-obsessed redneck perfectly and leads to some truly hilarious exchanges (at one point calling Tallahasse a ‘giant, cock-blocking robot created by the military’) and set-pieces (a knowing nod to ‘Deliverance’ is extremely funny, the Zombie Kill of the Week even better). In fact the ‘bromance’ between the 2 ends up far more believable then the actual love story that develops between Colombus and Wichita as the film progresses. Stone and Breslin are both talented actresses but their characters are underwritten here. the prime material seemingly saved for the fellas.
In fact Harrelson is one of the major reasons to go and see this, investing his character with a thoroughly endearing quality whilst remaining borderline crazy and frequently Looney Tunes-violent throughout and lampooning his role in ‘NBK’ with such skill that this might just be one of 2009s best on-screen performances.
Yet it’s not the only contender for that title in the film. I won’t give away who it is (many others have but I’m not going to spoil it for those who don’t know), suffice to say that the 5 minute cameo performance halfway through by a well-known comic actor comes as a complete surprise and absolutely steals the film and is especially unexpected given the reputation of the person in question. This alone is brilliant and is worth the admission price alone.
As for the look and feel. Fleischer’s direction is at its best when he allows the actors free reign to express themselves and, when he does, the film feels pleasantly natural and authentic (as much as slavering zombies can). However, he can’t resist the urge to be ultra-stylistic at times which sometimes works (the occasional appearance of the rules on-screen offers a number of laughs) and sometimes doesn’t (some gratuitous slo-mo splatter near the start is less scary, more self-indulgent and trying too hard to be cool) but controls himself before reaching Guy Ritchie excesses.
‘Zombieland’ may not quite live up to others claims of it being a SotD-beater but it’s still a fun, enjoyable watch with some masterful performances that knows how not to outstay its welcome. Seek it out.
A great-looking and entertaining little gem of a horror film. 4 dark, macabre and blackly comic cautionary tales unfold during Hallowe’en in the small town of Warren Valley, a place where everyone takes the holiday traditions VERY seriously indeed.
There are times when you despair of the movie industry. After a lifetime of watching films and well over a decade of reviewing them, you’d think a protective coat of cynicism and an ability to expect idiocy at every turn would have made reviewers immune to surprises. We underestimated Hollywood’s ability to surprise though, first with Sony’s announcement about the Spiderman film then wondering how on earth a film as good as ‘Trick ‘r Treat’ managed to slip underneath the mainstream release radar.
So raise your pumpkin lanterns in the air and thank Samhain for DVD, as the directorial debut of Singer prodigy Michael Dougherty offers up a glossy take on a selection of Hallowe’en legends with plenty of bloody bite to back it up. From poisoned candy to pumpkin heads, vampires, werewolves and those spooky urban legends that every town seems to have, Dougherty knows them all and uses one night in Warren Valley to play them all out.
He does it with some style too. Each section interlinks with the others in Tarantino fashion and unfolds in the style of the classic EC Comic books. With silent narrator Sam (see pic) appearing in each tale, anyone who remembers ‘Tales From the Crypt’ or the ‘Creepshow’ films will appreciate how well this works. Much of the humour comes from the same font too and, while laced with irony and gleeful nastiness, TrT’s messages ARE moral in a twisted kind of way. From the point-of-view of a 4-foot tall goblin servant of Hallowe’en, smashing pumpkin lamps and stealing candy is a crime punishable by death. Trust me on this.
The performances throughout are equally strong, each actor/actress wonderfully cast and making the most of every second of screen time their story grants them. Anna Paquin is especially good (showing all the qualities that subsequently earned her the role in ‘True Blood’) and Cox’s embittered Hallowe’en miser gives an intentional bow to genre god John Carpenter in both look and dialogue. This is far from the only genre reference though, as everything from ‘Scream’ to ‘Gremlins’ gets a sly nod somewhere either through look and feel or more direct methods (listen out for the names, folks). Oh, and the aforementioned Hallowe’en mascot Sam deserves a whole movie of his own – a creepy and compelling figure just begging for a franchise.
So there you have it. A great-looking horror flick that’s full of dark, intelligent wit and mischief and well worth tracking down.
Military robots guarding an upmarket mall. Teens locked in overnight. What's the worst that could happen?
In many classic horror movies , the actual horror component derives from the protagonists’ fear of the unknown, as well as the viewers’. For example, Ridley Scott’s Alien. No-one’s encountered the life form before, and like the crew we’re clueless as to what it’s actually capable of. No-one could have guessed at its dinner party-ruining abilities, so it comes as a real shock when John Hurt starts to feel ‘unwell’.
With Chopping Mall, writer/director (and voice talent) Jim Wynorski doesn’t worry about such tease and shock tactics. Right from the word go, the horror is clearly going to be derived from robots-with-frickin’-lasers-on-their-heads. It’s all laid on.
The robots-with-frickin’-lasers-on-their-heads are actually the ‘Protector 101 Series robot’, a fact we learn thanks to a handy information reel at the start. Never again will a human put on a grey uniform and take abuse from hoodies. The Protector 101 has it covered.
Instead of using heavily armed AI entities to guard, say, military installations, the Protector 101’s end up guarding an upmarket Californian shopping mall. Aside from giving us an inaccurate pun for the title (I didn’t spot any actual chopping in the film), it allows the plot device of having a bunch of randy teens locked in overnight at the mercy of these low-rent ED-209’s. Of course, ED-209’s major design flaw (crap legs) is made more baffling given that a whole year earlier, the Protector 101’s maker decided to use sweet tank treads. No toppling down stairs for these beauties.
As the flat-headed menaces stalk and, yes, kill their fleshy teen enemies, a moment comes upon us which changed my impression of the whole movie.
It’s got an exploding head scene. Surely the holy grail of horror since Cronenberg walked onto the set of Scanners and uttered the words ‘You know what would be cool, eh?’.
I’m not even sure how a robot-mounted laser beam would make a head actually explode (I’m no physicist), but that one moment created the biggest ‘Whoah! Wind it back!’ I’ve heard from my pals in years. For that reason alone, I would give the Chopping Mall five for five. And that’s without getting to the superb cameos of legends Angus Scrimm and Paul Bartel.
Sadly, upbeat performances can’t overcome a lacklustre script , and over-engineered haircuts lose the film three of those five marks. Perhaps unsurprisingly, Jim Wynorski now works in adult movies where such comments are less career-hampering.
Enjoy Chopping Mall, but scrub yourself clean afterwards.
Biggest Let Down of the Year
The tedious domestic bullcrap and the less than amateur acting really took away from the overall enjoyment of the film. I was really disappointed. I wanted to be scared out of my mind for nights. I was only scared a little at the movie and scared to death early this morning(but mostly due to paranoia and an overactive imagination). The movie was repetitive, too unrealistic and too goddamn predictable.
The suspense factor was thrown out the window around the third or fourth night. We, the audience, know the ghost is going to terrorize the couple each night. We know something is going to happen, so when it does the effect isn't the same.
The "hauntings" happen over a span of 21 nights. The couple even says they've been happening weeks before they set up the camera. Even Katie states she's been affected by this demonic presence since she was a child. Anyone in their right mind would have left the house and sought out help. Even if the 'thing' follows Katie, she should have left. Sleep in a church for Christ's sake.
The concept of the movie was good, but the execution was awful. If the happenings occurred over a few nights, even a week, the movie would have been far better. However, it is a great alternative to the saws and gorey slasher flicks out there.
On a scale from 10 to 1, 10 being superb, the movie scores a 6.5 for storyline. The suspense ranks a 7. The acting, however, scores a 4, Katie overacted and underacted throughout the duration of the movie. Overall I give the movie gets a 7 points out of 10.
Anyone who is logical and has a good common sense should not see this movie. You will over analyze everything and most likely see all the flaws this movie has. Don't be misled by the over exaggerated statements. Paranormal activity is far from the scariest movie ever.
Woody Harrelson is kick ass and out of hand in the ghoulish world of Zombieland! I'm telling you Zombieland is the funniest, most entertaining zombie movie ever! The Zombieland experience is what going to the movies should be!
Zombieland, a Mr. E Movie Review
(Run time: 81 min. - Directed by: Ruben Fleischer - Starring: Jesse Eisenberg, Woody Harrelson, Emma Stone, Abigail Breslin, Bill Murray)
Woody Harrelson is kick ass and out of hand in the ghoulish world of Zombieland! I'm telling you Zombieland is the funniest, most entertaining zombie movie ever! The Zombieland experience is what going to the movies should be! And, Jesse Eisenberg rips the land right out of adventure and blows it straight through the chest and head of Zombieland!
The worlds gone crazy and become infected with disease. Everyone, everywhere seems to be infected it by it. First it's a fever that leads to madness, and madness that ultimately leads to a fetish for flesh! The opening of this movie has one of the best title sequences I honestly think I've ever seen! As Columbus, played by Jesse Eisenberg from Adventureland, begins his voice over to catch us up on the madness we see visually assaulting us in a borage of creative, stunning zombie kills, all while Metallica's "For Whom the Bell Tolls" rocks out in the background.
Zombies are on the loose everywhere and no one is safe! Well, unless you follow a few simple rules.#1. Cardio, because if they can't catch you they can't eat you! #2. Beware of Bathrooms, because zombies attack when they know your vulnerable, so hold it! #3. Double Tap, don't be stingy with your bullets, always make sure the zombie's dead with one shot to the chest and one to the head! Add in a few other rules such as buckle up and always check the backseat and you get what plays out in the first scene! Columbus stops at a gas station and is attacked when he tries to use the bathroom. He then has to run around the parking lot to avoid the two slower zombies who are attacking him. all while trying to get the keys into his car door. When he finally gets into the car he buckles in but forgets to check the back seat which of course has a zombie in it! Speeding into a wall he ejects the zombie through the windshield and of course has to double tap him. (Hilarious!)
Now on foot and trying to make his way home to Columbus, Ohio he runs into the tough as hell, smart ass Tallahassee, played by Woody Harrelson. (See a theme in the names?) Tallahassee is the baddest zombie killer there is! He actually make's killing zombie's into an art form! Using everything from a banjo to a baseball bat to make his kills! The two decide to team up and hit the road with Columbus heading for home and Tallahassee looking for a Twinkie. (Yeah, that's right I said Twinkie!)
When the two stop in a town to check if the grocery store has any Twinkies left they run into three zombie's and two sisters, Wichita, played by Emma Stone from Superbad, and Little Rock, played by Abigail Breslin from Little Miss Sunshine. Initially thinking they're helping the girls the guys are tricked by the two cons and robbed. But, not too far down the road they all decide that they should team up with the only other humans they've seen in awhile and head off.
Ruben Fleischer used the actual rules as cool graphics worked into the screen shots as sight gags that play out so well that it really adds simple, perfectly timed elements throughout the movie that really make the Zombieland experience that much more entertaining. Fleischer's slow motion camera tricks were so bad ass in that they really gave you the opportunity to visually absorb the action as it plays out to a point where you can actually appreciate it for what it is.
Everyone's acting was right on point. Jesse Eisenberg had just the right amount of funny likeable, nerdiness while Emma Stone was cute and tough all at the same time. Young Abigail Breslin played an outstanding little tough chick while the movie's stand out performance goes to the zombie crusher himself, Woody Harrelson. I think this is one of the best roles Woody's played since Natural Born Killers! Finally, when you add in a hilarious cameo by Bill Murray you really get movie magic!
I recommend this movie to anyone breathing, mainly because zombie's probably won't like the way they're depicted in this film. All I have to say is that if you want an awesome movie going experience then check out Zombieland! And, then do like me and make plans to check it out again!
Master Korean Filmmaker Park Chan-wook, Sinks His Teeth into Vampires with Thirst.
Korean filmmaker Park Chan-wook's foray into the Vampire Genre, Thirst, will quench the insatiable appetites of horror fans. It is a cinematic feast not for the timid at heart or mind, nor is it for moviegoers looking for cheap thrills nestled in predictable plots. Thirst is gloriously
gory, but not since Interview with a Vampire, has the blood sucker genre seen such invigorating and sensual scenes.
Anyone familiar with Park Chan-wook's films, (the Vengeance Trilogy including the acclaimed Oldboy), can imagine the creative boundaries he would push with vampires. Park Chan-wook has pushed those boundaries with Thirst, yet with his own subtle artistic integrity, so as not to make a mockery of the genre. With the blood-suckling frenzy over Stephenie Meyer's Twilight series, it may be easy to dismiss Thirst as just a dewdrop in a saturated genre. Though it is highly doubtful that Korean studio executives persuaded Park Chan-wook into leaching off "what's hot" in America.
Please read my full review at the webpage link provided.
Six women get stuck in a horrifying cave during a weekend adventure gone terribly awry.
The Descent is about as good as a horror movie can get, freaky, thrilling, horrifying and bloody all at the same time. From beginning to end you’re never allowed to rest or get up or even scratch yourself since your eyes and ears are completely fixed on the screen.
I’m fascinated with horror movies the same way we’re all interested in that car crash on the freeway. We don’t want to look but we do anyways. That’s how I am with horror movies so, I guess, I’m a victim to its ability to grab you even if you’re not willing to be grabbed.
But here’s a movie that doesn’t exactly give you traditional horror with all the campy tongue-in-cheek cliches and lines that most of us have become accustomed to. No, The Descent gives you everything you were hoping it wouldn’t in the best way possible.
Mainly, it will give you nightmares and make you dwell on it long after you’ve finished with it. That’s a good thing for the sake of the movie. It’s not such a good thing for you because it will make you feel uncomfortable but only a truly good film can evoke those feelings well.
The movie follows six girlfriends, all of them tough and spunky, each with their own characteristics (a rare find for women in the horror genre). Most of them are adrenaline junkies pulled together in a cabin for a cave exploring adventure in the Appalachians.
It’s an idea hitched by the toughest lady of the group, Juno (Natalie Mendoza), sort of in the mold of a Lara Croft/Ellen Ripley/tough girl role. She’s got a plan for them to explore a particular cave and she’s got the maps for it, or so we think.
In the opening minutes, we’re presented with a situation that feels so horrific you’re unable to figure out how the movie can really get much worse from there. It’s about the main character, Sarah (Shauna MacDonald), who suffers through an absolutely traumatic experience that alters her life.
Juno’s reasoning for pulling together the six girls for cave exploring is to help reinvigorate Sarah from her turmoil and distress, hoping a thrilling adventure with friends will bring her back to normalcy, or at least close to it.
The six girls venture into the cave only to find themselves stuck when a rock blocks their path back out. Oops! Now they’re trapped inside a cave that was previously thought to be discovered when, in fact, it had never been.
What ensues is pure terror beyond your worst imagination, those things that go bump in the night come right back to bite you hard in the ass. The situation these girls are in gets worse and worse, never letting up, keeping your heart pounding to the very end.
British writer/director Neil Marshall really gives it to you hard in this movie, using the women (maybe purposely) to get your nerves riled up even more than had it been six men instead. That he made these women tough, gritty but very human, made it even easier to relate to them and to root for them during their inescapable feat.
One of the most brutal things about this film is how the six women bond together to fight the forces of inevitable claustrophobia and, while that’s hard enough, there’s something lurking beneath, a creature that makes the mountain mutants of The Hills Have Eyes look like Sesame Street.
It’s this kind of constant drama and excitement that drives the movie forward, seemingly never pausing for a breath, pounding you over the head with one harsh moment after another until you feel you can’t take it anymore. Unfortunately, you have to and it doesn’t get any better.
Fighting to escape the cave is difficult enough but when their next obstacle stands in their way, the audience knows they’re truly screwed and in a virtually impossible dilemma to escape from.
One thing to note here about this movie: watch everything and try to keep your ears perked up for the sounds of the film are just as important as the visuals. The noises their opposition makes in the caves are haunting and jarring.
There’s also the notion of the creatures living in the cave being realistic, something I believe truly turns this movie into a gem. At first, you’re only hearing their sounds but when the creatures are revealed and explained, it’s something you can completely fathom.
I saw Neil Marshall’s director’s cut and read online how the American version ended, giving it two endings on DVD that you can choose from. My suggestion is to go ahead and watch Marshall’s version since it’s his vision and the difference in the endings are pretty slim, however, significant enough for the viewer to leave the movie feeling a different way.
For me, although Marshall’s cut was nothing short of exceptional, I prefer the American ending. But this is more due to the fact that I’m a sucker for that kind of ending, one where there’s a slight ray of hope (although not much). The original ending is extremely tough to swallow but maybe more realistic so choose what you feel fits you better.
All in all, I can’t think of one thing this movie does wrong other than having a different preference for the ending than most. Again, I’m probably in the minority there. Other than that, this is as good of a horror movie as I’ve ever seen, never letting up, never letting you come up for air and never letting you believe for one second that it’s a good idea to explore caves ever in your life time.
Bella, a teenage girl is in love with Edward Cullen, a vampire.
Twilight Review
03/25/09
First of all, can I just say that there is something seriously wrong with a line like: “Death was peaceful, easy. Life is harder.” in a movie targeting teenage girls. Now I’m not the most conservative of critics. Hell, I made my own vampire flick targeting teenage girls. It’s called Thicker Than Water: The Vampire Diaries Part 1, and I welcomed the expansion of our mutual sub-genre into this new and most fruitful of demographics. I had heard rumors that the film was ‘dangerous’ but I really couldn’t imagine how it could be so. From what I heard, there is hardly any blood in the film, the gore, only hinted at. Then I saw it. What’s dangerous about this film is precisely that. This is not a horror film. It is a romance. That is its strength and the secret to its appeal. The horror is treated almost dismissively. It’s a story about impossible love and impossible ideals. There is a group on Facebook called ‘Because I saw Twilight, I have unrealistic expectations of men.’ Remarkable self-awareness. Edward Cullen is that impossible ideal, strong, handsome, utterly devoted, yet fatally dangerous. Bella, in love to the point that she is willing to become a vampire to be with him, gives it a fatalistic devotion that I can only compare to Juliet’s. But alas, their love must remain unrequited because he cannot ‘lose control’. A perfect passion paradox. Not to mention allegory for what happens in the backseat of dad’s Volvo.
Personally I was unmoved by this most theatrical of displays. But that is not saying much. I am, after all, not a teenage girl. Were I such, I would, perhaps, drool over Edward Cullen, hiss at Bella, the skinny bitch, and generally cream my Gap panties over thoughts of jumping atop tall pine trees with my supernatural stud who never has to go ‘all the way’. But what I would not do is revel in the mischief and mayhem that is this film’s birthright. As such Twilight actually does a disservice to the sub-genre. It’s really a very traditional Hollywood romance. The loner Goth chicks that I thought it was championing would actually find this kind of dull and ‘establishmentary’. They are not the target audience. Which is really what makes this film so dangerous. In its attempts to whitewash the sub-genre and make it accessible, Twilight actually appeals to the most innocent romantics of the seventh grade; pimply girls with dreams of prom night. Not the black-clad eye-liner crew in the corner of the cafeteria.
This realization hit me like a ton of bricks. Twilight and its ‘vegetarian’ Judy Bloompires with their day-glo skin and eternal high school attendance are indeed an insidious force. They are creating a generation of girls with ‘unrealistic expectations of men’. Too bad their male counterparts will all be a bunch of X-Box toting man-children. And girls - if you’re reading this - no man is worth it! Get off that ledge and move on! No matter what Bella says, death is not the easy way out. Just remember that this too will pass. As will Twilight.
