movie
Paint dries
This was created as a joke but became an actual movie. It's unwatchable. It's exactly what it sounds like. 90 minutes of watching nothing but a swash of green paint drying on a blank wall. The sound of outside traffic in the distance is the only soundtrack and all it really contributes is a white noise. The maker calls this "the most boring movie ever made", apparently as a challenge to critics of other slow moving films. It turns your brain into a jelly in a few minutes and nobody that I know of has been able to complete it. Myself included.
But all is not lost on this novelty DVD. As an extra is the short film, "The Bellman of Briarwood Green", which is a dark fairy tale of sorts which harkens feelings of the old dark forest stories of our childhoods. It's done as a mix of animation and live action that's made to look like animation. A very haunting little short.
a retiring cornel sets out on his last mission, but on the way he is fighting a war between the Americans and the Indians. HE the one that could end this war, but ears that he would lose some of his men.
This movie is about a cornel who is being retired in five days and is tiring to stop a war between the Indians and the Americans. He goes on his last patrol with his men. Then they get a letter that gives him his last mission. He gets his troops ready and the head out. As they go they take there war women with them. They encounter a couple of men that were selling guns to Indians. They were being burned alive. They did not try to help them. They just turned around and left. Then they finally reached there destination, mission failure. One of the older soldiers died. Then he takes his troops to the Indian camps and starts blazing there guns and the Indians start shooting arrows back. The American soldiers took no casualties. ‘She wore a yellow ribbon’ was a movie I saw, and I have to honest to my readers. It was horrible. I like western movies, but unfortunately, this one was bad. I like the westerns that have gunfire and horseback fighting. It was not very often in this move. It made no since. It jumped into the story way to soon. It was like watching an episode of a cartoon when it is in season two. So I am watching it like where it the first season? It did not have that many gunfire fights. There was a miniscule of entertainment. There was no action at all. The actors did there job. The sets and lighting were good but I do not think that the actors knew that they were going to make a movie this bad. The costumes were good, too. This movie was clearly not for me. If you like, westerns then watch this movie. I did not like the move but it was a good experience. It is the first western movie I have ever seen from start to finish. I have never understood why my grand father had liked westerns so much. They are interesting and cool. My grand fathers favorite western movie was ’the good, the bad, and the ugly’. He also liked some television show called ‘MASH’. Until I saw ‘she wore a yellow ribbon’, I thought that western movies were lame. Except this movie was not one of those cool westerns. I do not know what the movie was trying to say or show. I think it tried to show soldiers fighting the Indians. I have to say this is not the western movie that you should see. The plot seemed to fall out of place; the whole meaning of it just did not connect. It is as I said it is missing something. I felt that this movie was the sequel. Maybe the first movie is ‘she bought a yellow ribbon’. In my opinion the director, d did not know what he was doing. Although, it was the first time I watched a western movie before. I am probably not use to that gene because it is new to me.
A near poor man tries all that he could to get a good paying job. When he gets a new bike for the job, the first day it gets stolen.
Do you have a job that you would do anything just to keep it? Well, the movie is about this topic. This man gets a job that he does not even have the right tools to be able to do it. Therefore, he goes to his wife for help, and he is not happy that he is angry with himself. Therefore, his wife being faithful helps him. Therefore, the go to a pawnshop to get money for a new bike, so that he could get the job. So he gets a new bike and goes to the person he needs to talk to in order to be accepted for the job. Therefore, he goes home and tells his wife that they gave him the job. His wife is happy for him. He goes to his fist assignment; his co-worker tells him how to do his job. The co-worker tells him that that is all and rides away. The man puts up his first poster; this person sneaks near him. As the man turns his head, the person hops on his bike and rides it away. The man shocked finally screams out thief! Other people look at him and some stranger asks him if he saw which way he went? The man points and they run after him. They hop onto a car and told the drive to step on it. They follow the bike thief into a tunnel. The catch up with him, but when they turn him around it was the wrong person. They guy walks back to his poster, and kicks the can of glue that he uses to stick the posters with to the wall in his city. He goes to pick up his son from school; the boy asks his father where his bike is? The dad does not reply. The boy just stays quiet the whole walk home. As they walk up the steps of his apartment, he tells his son to wait inside for him until he returns. The man goes into some underground place; he looks for some one to help him. A strange man that appears to be already aquatinted with, says hell help him find his bike. The wife finds him there and learns of his los of the bike. Then she sees through his tough macho exterior and knows that on the in side he is crying. The strange man takes the husband a few friends, also including the husband’s son to a bike shop. They start their search for the missing bike and the man that took it. You should watch this movie because there is a twist at the end of the movie that gets you to think. It also makes you further understand the whole point of the movie. The director is creative; he puts the twist at the end. This gives it a complement. Twists are very commonly effective at the end. The reason being that the make you look dramatically off into space (does not matter which way) and say oh yeah. Or the unforgettable, ooohhh. That is why normally twists fit better in a movie at the end. The actors were good too. I especially liked the old man and Bruno the son. The old man is funny because he was being pulled up out of his seat to get up against his will and all he said was aow in a deep tone. The boy because he, just watch the movie I have already spoiled enough already.
An insurance man kills his lovers husban and gets away with it! Then as time goes by, the insurance company he works for start to question.
Ever wanted to see a great movie where every scene your at the edge of seat. Then this film is for you. It is about this insurance man who falls in love with a wife of his client. As he constantly revisits his client, he finds out that the wife falls in love with him. As their relationship grows, they begin to plan for their future. In this future, somebody has to die in order for the wife to be with the insurance man. They plan this death on this innocent sole and it was almost flawless. Almost. The insurance man thought he could get away with it knowing what his company would do if they would investigate. He plans every detail so perfectly you would believe he would get away with murder. The murder looks so much like an accident that the insurance company is worried that they would have to pay double indemnity. The wife and the insurance man start to get comfortable, too comfortable. The insurance man finds out that the company has a new interest on why the husband would have a double accident and file no claim of the first accident. The company suspicions alarms turn on full blast. The insurance man starts to panic and then…
Then you have to see the movie for yourself to see what happens. This movie personally was good and did not boar me at all. The actors were so into character I felt that the film was a secret tape and the story was true. The music was stupendous, all the suspense and thrill came from the music score. It is kind of like the background theme song for ‘Jaws’. Where in the movie there is a little boy or girl playing in the ocean shore, splashing merely. In the back of them, not far behind them you see something blurry. You see only the fin and as the shark gets closer, the music gets louder. Then all of a sudden, the music stops. Then…BOOM! The shark gobbles you in one bite, but that is just comparing the music score between ‘Jaws’ and ’Double indemnity’. I am not saying they shared the same songs, they used the same tone of music to put more emphasis and more of a fell about what is going on in that moment. I have to admit that at times the black and white film was hard to see due to bad, not terrible lighting. Overall, a movie became a favorite of mine. As I watched this movie, it was difficult for me not to watch it over again. Luckily, I had help. The movie was also moderately funny. It was not a comedy but there were a few jokes or something to laugh at. Eight out of ten is extremely hard to get of me. I am a bit generous but I do not just go around rating everything above five. Also all the movies that I have seen none have earned a perfect ten out of ten. My first impressions on the title were “Great another movie.” Then it happened, the movie actually got good. As I watched the film, my first impressions had changed in a heartbeat clean. My posture straightened, my eyes widened, and my ears listened. My favorite genes are comedies, action, suspense and mystery. The gene of this movie is drama. I thought it was going to be dull because I do not usually watch drama films. As it turned out this movie was full of suspense, twists and action. I was taught a good story has a good pull in. What I mean is the film makes you want to continue watching it. Also good story has a good climax. For those of you who do not know what a climax is, it is when the story reaches a high point. The cinematography of the movie was great. The close-ups are perfect. When you make a movie close-ups are important when trying to add more emphasis. This film did well when they would close- up every time the insurance man would speak into a recorder they would close-up on him. This gave it the effect that what he was saying into the recorder was important. The story was gold. It had amazing actors to complement it. The director did really well. The director must have about a hundred awards for his films. The director had picked great actors. Chose the best sets. TAlso chose the best music. This film was so good it was mind bottling. It rendered me speechless. The film could not have been any better. If it did, I would not have been able to get off my seat to write this review. It …wow. That is all could say after it ended. If you ask me if it is worth the time to see this movie, would say go for it. If you ask me if the film is good, I would say no. I would say that this film was awesome. I recommend everyone to watch this film. I feel I am not doing a good job giving this film the review it truly deserves. If you watch the film for yourself, you will know what I mean. If you have popcorn ready, a small or large drink get yourself a copy of ’Double indemnity’. Then you are ready to watch the best movie you will ever watch! Do not worry about the black and white, if it were in color the magic would be lost. The black and white setting is perfect for the mystery, suspense and action. So get that movie, lights, camera, and action!(I always wanted to say that.)
Alex Zuckerman - The New Animated Film You Have To See!!!
Alex Zuckerman is caught in circumstances out of his control when he is abducted by aliens. They implant a mind control device inside of his brain so that he would become an insurgent in their upcoming invasion of Earth. With the help of Sir Psycho; Alex Zuckerman assembles a scary crew - ascending into space on a mission to save Alex’s mind, soul, and ultimately the entire human race.
The story wanders, and the soundtrack is minimalistic. Alex Zuckerman has a unique storyline, and unparalleled graphics. As an entire package - Alex Zuckerman is different than anything you'll find anywhere else.
This cartoon features alien carnage!
You may view Alex Zuckerman at the following URL http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J7wx9WExfzs
Writer-director David Wain jumps effectively into the movie mainstream with "Role Models," a comedy that retains a bit of the sensibility and many cast members familiar from his previous films but should have no problem connecting with a wider audience....To read the full review, visit HollyWoodReporter.com.
Pokemon the First Movie? Cliffhanger much!?
Before viewing
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"The First Movie"?? "THE FIRST MOVIE!?!?" What the hell??
Okay, let me start from the beginning. It took me a while to find this movie, not because it's rare, but because there are so MANY ****ING SEQUELS IT'S NOT EAST TO FIND THE FIRST ONE. After about half-an-hour o searching, I found the first movie, which is LITERALLY called "Pokemon: THE FIRST MOVIE".
What the hell is THAT? That's like if they called the first ord of the rings "Lord of the Rings: don't worry we're going to have a SH*T LOAD OF SEQUELS!"
it's BULLSH*T! Now, to be honest, I wasn't much a Pokemon guy when I was growing up.
I as more into the video game (SEGA) category. I have some decent knowledge of what the whole deal behind Pokemon is, so don't worry, I'm not writing blind.
After Viewing (all who hate yelling, do not read)
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THIS IS THE WORST ***KING MOVIE I HAVE EVER SEEN!!!
It sucks @$$, it sucks balls, it just... SUCKS!
Okay... fr those of you unaware of the "genius" plot of Pokemon, here's the general story. (I don't know the exact story, so here's my generalization)
Pokemon are basically creatures that you capture in some strange balls and you make fight eachother. But the balls turn big when you catch one, and small so they can fit in your pocket. So why didn't they just call them Pocket monsters? It would make a lot more... wait a second
Pokemon = Pocket Monster
You've GOT to be kidding.
Ok,ok back to the review. So there are these scientists looking for the ultimate pokemon (mew, who we will get to later). And other scientists are making a CLONE of Mew. What do they call it? Mewtwo...
Nevermind, so it goes to our main characters, Ash, Misty, and Brock. Typical anime characters in my opinion. Anyway, they get an invetation to a tournament (psst, it's a trap), but unfotunantly can't go due to an extremely unrelated scene of a hurrican that randomly pops up. WTF... So Jessy, James, and Meowth (our gay badguys)
dress up as, um, vikings...
to sail them across. They of course make it in a really bad scene where the boat tips over and they have to use pokemon to swim across, again, IN A HURRICANE.
They get to the tournament and, like i said, it's a trap. Mewtwo captures the pokemon, makes clones of them, and uses them for some sh*t like, you guessed it, destoying the world because he's to emo to realize what we will talk about later.
Ash saves the pokemon (the originals) and the Pokemon/Pokemon clones fight to the death. B*tch slapping, tackling, and punching. you know, FOR KIDS. During all this madness, Ash makes a STUNNING realization.
"Fighting must be... bad"
Bravo Ash, you finally conjured up the brains to figure it out.
They keep saying sh*t like "fighting is BAD" "DON'T FIGHT" yadayadayada blahblahblah. They keep going on, and on for about an hour until Mew shows up. But here's the thing, Mew is mentally retarded, and NOT in the good way. They are of course, equal and Ash (being the SMART one that he is) jumps right in the middle of two beams. Unfortunatly, he didn't die, he just got turned into a statue. :(
All the Pokemon cry and... oh god, don't tell me. They ARE, they're using their tears of unfathomable sadness to bring him back to life...
WHAT A LOAD! is that what you want to teach your kid!? That if a loved one dies, you just have to cry hard enough to bring him back!? What if they did that in the Lion King? They would have ONE MOVIE. Well, he get's up and Mewtwo stops being Emo, takes his clones and get's the hell out. WHAT AN ENDING.
Ugh, I'm F*cking done watching this movie
I'm the CinemaCritic, I review it so YOU don't have to watch it
SEGA's Epic Failure
"Scrape your knuckles, Catch some tails"
...WTF
THIS MOVIE IS HOORIBLE!!!!!
The movie is awful and I mean AWFUL. For the SEGA fans and the video game lovers for Sonic the Hedgehog, this movie will make you cry. You will cry endlessly for a whole 60 minutes (Yes, this movie's a WHOLE hour long, that's sixty seconds to long!) For those who were lucky enough not to watch it, here's the plot.
"Sonic and his friends are back!..."
This is a sequal!?!?!?(Not really, it's the only sonic movie)
"Eggman has been banished from the land of darkness..." his own home (eggman is the supposed bad guy)
"by the evil metal robotnik!" yes, we haven't heard THAT one before (Sarcasm)
"And if that's not bad enough..." yes, it SAYS the plot is bad
"Eggman tells sonic that he has created his greatest enemy..." here it comes, the ULTIMATE ENEMY OF SONIC! It's going to be awesome right!?!?
"METAL SONIC!!" ****
That's right, the only bad guys here are robot rehashes of other characters. Not only that, but the semi-enemies (one's that are never mentioned or noticed) are the same enemies from the video game "Sonic the Hedgehog" on the Sega Genesis. Here's the question, you add so much into the movie that you have already in the game, WHY DOES THE MOVIE SUCK!?!? Well, i'll tell you why it sucks. For one, THE VOICE ACTING IS THE WORST THING I HAVE EVER HEARD! It makes a mockery of every Sonic chracter EVER! Sonic's voice is to stereotypically teen, Tails' voice has a FEMALE VOICE ACTOR (just like in Sonic '06 on the Xbox 360), Knuckles is Southern, and the onlyperson with voice acting that fits is eggman, annoying and awful. Just like him.
Oh don't worry, there's more. Listed in the top of the review is the actual, real, SUBTITLE!!! Holy ****!!! What were they THINKING!? Do I really even have to address it!? Crap! I don't know about you, but I don't get it! So after an over-dramatic speech, Eggman deals out some comedy with some new charactr (Sera) wo happenes to be a "Cat girl" as som most people call her. The comedy skit was funny, I will give it that. Later sonic and tails have a travel montage (with the video game references) and continue on to the land of Darkness. When the reach there, it doesn't really loo like a "Land of Darkness". It looks more like Tokyo after Godzilla hits. They go on to defuse a bomb (Yes, a bomb) that will cause the apocolypse otherwise. Wow... just wow. And right in the middle of their trip comes Metal Eggman. They have a actually funny battle, but they lose. Oh, wait, here comes the epic antics of.. Knuckles in a Cowboy hat. Wow. He kicks it's *** in, like, 5 seconds. half the time it took to nearly kill both sonic and Tails. Sonic helped, a little bit in killing it. Tails did practically nothing except whine, ad whine, and whine. The trio continue on to defuse the bomb (which still sounds SO WEIRD) with no interruption. They enter the castle and who do they find? The ressurectin of the epic... Metal Sonic. Luckily, Metal Sonic is an ACTUAL Sonic the Hedgehog Character from a few video games. So this one is exceptable. The have a short battle, but not with Metal Sonic, with a reverse convetor belt. It's fast, so Sonic (the supposed fastest thing alive) can't outrun it. 3, uh oh, 2, It's gonna blow! 1, NO! at Zero (0) seconds knuckles happily flies over and pulls the lever. The irony is that Tails did the same but the lever was to tough. wa wa waaaaa.
After the whole "You saved the day, whoopty doo" speech. Comes the final battle with Metal Sonic, finally. It's actually pretty good. It was DEFINANTLY epic, it was a close battle, and Metal Sonic dies by!... a pool of Lava. Yet another video game reference. (Sonic the Hedgehog, Sega Genesis, Zone 2, Acts 1, 2, and 3).
That's the movie. I know you probably think I'm being to harsh on it an admitadly I am, I mean, maybe they did they could maybe... nah, they just ****ed up.
There's my review, have a nice Freaking Day everybody
I'm the CinemaCritic, I watch it so you don't have to!
